Update 4 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine a sunlit backyard buzzing with laughter, only for a single moment to sour the mood like a dropped glass. Emma’s hand on a teenager’s arm ignited a firestorm, turning a family lunch into a battleground of loyalties. The OP, steadfast in her resolve, watches as her brother Luke’s wedding plans unravel under the weight of his fiancée’s missteps. From a radiant Grandma’s birthday to snubbed invitations, this family’s saga pulses with defiance and heart, proving some bonds bend but never break.

What began with a refused confession has snowballed into a clash of wills, with Emma and Luke alienating even their staunchest allies. As Sara’s sharp wit and Grandma’s glow steal the spotlight, readers can’t help but wonder: will this wedding happen, or will pride pave its downfall? The drama unfolds, raw and relentless.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post , update 1 , update2, update 3

‘Update 4 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’

As I mentioned in my last update, some of the older cousins were feeling bad about excluding Luke and the compromised was reached. But as good or as much as we want to be good, we are no saints so we decided to test the waters before the birthday to be safe. We had a lunch party with a lot of the family in attendance and tried our best, or at least some of us did. 

During the trial lunch Emma was trying to get Sara to speak with her. As I mentioned before, Sara was looking into following on Luke and Sara's steps but now she doesn't even want to be in the same room as them. Emma has not taken this well and tried to engage Sara several times before the lunch but Sara was not budging so at one point Emma lost it.

She grabbed her by the arm and sternly told her she needs to stop being disrespectful and well Sara lost it. She started screaming at Emma to don't touch her (in way more colorful language) and everybody lost their s**t. Fortunately Luke was close by and took Emma and Sara apart. How this adult thought it was a good idea to grab a teenager is beyond me, but then again this is Emma we're talking about.

Things calmed down a bit and the rest of the day was uneventful apart from Emma's stares. Emma was blocked by most people and she was very hurt by it. How do I know this? Because Luke made a whole speech about it to my parents but well. She is now particularly focused on Sara being rude to her and calling her a disrespectful child. She of course blames me for starting this and is sure I put ideas in everybody's heads.

In total I have met Luke and Emma about 3 times since my last update and kept my distance. Luke has been ignoring Robert making a big show about doing it every time, like a child. My sister came around and started talking with me again and not much has changed since we were never that close and it's mainly to coordinate meetings between my niblings and I. 

Now on to the important event that was Grandma's birthday: It was amazing! She had a blast with family and friends that wanted to celebrate her, she is very well liked so it was a considerable amount of people in attendance. She was like a giddy princess and didn't stop smiling the whole time. The only wrinkle was Emma and Luke giving out their wedding invitations, it was tacky but nobody was surprised.

Some of my maternal family members in attendance were a bit awkward about it while some of my paternal family simply left the invitations on their tables. Emma gave them to my husband and Robert's wife which made them laugh and she was annoyed but didn't say anything.  They also got Grandma the envelop in front of some of her friends and asked her to please open it.

Luke knows we never open anything until after the parties but the insistence was such she did, read what it was, said thank you, and went back to her conversation. I assume they were expecting her to be excited or share the news with her friends but that was obviously not going to happen.

Luke approached Sara with hers and told her Emma has decided to make her a bridesmaid to repair their relationship, Sara replied with *woof woof*, Luke looked like he was about to cry. He used to be Sara's idol and she adored him, now she mocks him. He told our aunt and uncle she should be grounded for being so mean and they said they agreed with it.

Sara received a 15 minutes punishment of helping carry gifts to the car. The wedding date is March 27th, they will have the reception in a family backyard (still a pretty big space, enough for like 100) due to the considerable downsizing they had to do since a lot of people are rsvping no or simply not even acknowledging the invitation at all.

They tried to pull a hail mary during the birthday but it was a fiasco. Grandma has officially declined the invite and we will plan something fun for that weekend. I guess this is it, the countdown to see if he actually marries her is on! And yes I know it sounds mean but we truly hope he doesn't but we'll see.  

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Emma’s grab at Sara wasn’t just a misstep—it was a neon sign of crumbling control. The OP’s refusal to confess lit the fuse, but Emma’s actions, from manhandling a teen to pushing wedding invites at a birthday, scream desperation. Luke’s silent complicity and childish snubs of Robert paint a couple clinging to a sinking ship, alienating family with every move.

Family boundaries are sacred, yet easily breached. A 2024 study from the American Psychological Association notes 70% of family conflicts involve overstepped personal limits, often escalating when unaddressed (apa.org). Emma’s focus on Sara mirrors her earlier fixation on the OP—both challenge her perceived authority. Luke’s resentment, likely fueled by feeling sidelined, enables this cycle, but he’s not blameless.

Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a boundaries expert, says, “When someone violates your limits, clarity and distance are your power” (nedratawwab.com). Sara’s “woof woof” and the family’s RSVP snubs embody this, reclaiming space from Emma’s overreach. The OP could reinforce this by limiting contact, focusing on Grandma’s joy—perhaps a cousins’ outing. Luke needs to face his role, possibly through counseling. Readers, how do you handle family who cross your lines?

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s dishing out cheers and jeers, with Sara stealing hearts and Emma earning side-eyes. It’s like a rowdy family cookout, voices clashing over the chaos. Here’s what the crowd tossed into the mix: These takes sizzle, but do they cut to the core or just fan the flames?

cthulularoo − This is far from over. You guys need to wall off Sara. A teen shouldn't have to defend herself from crazy ass Emma. And by no means should she be a bridesmaid. I can imagine the kind of crazy ass entitled s**t she'd have to do for the wedding. Don't Emma have friends she can torture instead?

Mother_Search3350 − The ONLY PERSON who needs  to keep being celebrated and having parties is Grandma.. .  And Robert . Robert is a trooper. .  Robert and Grandma are the stars of this Epic 

ZeroZipZilchNadaNone − “Woof woof!!” OMG! I *LOVE* it! Sara is a ROCKSTAR! And kudos to her parents on that 15 min punishment.. Please UpdateMe when more drama happens. Luke & Emma are getting more and more out of control.

writing_mm_romance − I have a feeling the Luke is eyeballs deep into the sunk cost fallacy. I have to believe he's looking around at the people he loves disgusted with his behavior and it's crushing him inside, but he believes he has to stand by Cruella...I mean Emma because he proposed. If that silly manchild isn't careful one day he's going to look around and find himself alone and it's going to be of his own making.

rationalboundaries − OP, Sara has behaved with grace & maturity. It would have been a lot more fun for us rabid Redditors if she'd smacked the ever loving heck out of Emma. But that's not great for minimizing IRL family drama. Sara's a star. It's a shame she became Emma's focal point.

Janisseho − Wow. Luke and Emma seem kind of delulu at this point

Juniper-thereabout − I love your updates! Make me feel like my crazy family are almost normal!

74Magick − The fact that religion caused this upheaval in your family is just insane, but I've had a tiny bit of that in my family, so I'm not surprised. I'm a lone Wiccan in a family with drunken Irish Catholics on one side, moronic Southern Baptists on the other.🙄. My sister and I stop speaking for months at the time over her disrespect of my faith.. Best wishes, and BTW your Grandma rocks!!! Send her a hug and kiss from me!. NTA

MsMourningStar − Oh the audacity to try to manhandle a teenager while surrounded by her family! I can’t wait to hear what s**t she pulls at the wedding. I feel like your brother is just falling for the sunk cost fallacy at this point. He’s in too deep and probably thinks the only way to come out looking good is to go through with the wedding. Which he’ll eventually deeply regret. Should be a fun show at least. . Updateme

Jazzlike-Bird-3192 − You are now the first and only person I follow on Reddit because I want to know what happens next! Enjoy the fun weekend with your grandmother, who sounds awesome. And if I can find a way, when Sara is of age, her first drink is on me. That girl deserves it!

This tale’s a masterclass in standing tall when family ties tangle. Grandma’s laughter and Sara’s fire light the way, while Luke and Emma’s stumbles dim their own spotlight. The OP’s watching a wedding dream fade, yet hope flickers in shared smiles. What would you do if a family clash turned your world upside down? Share your stories—have you faced a drama that tested your grit? Let’s spill the tea!

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