Update 2 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

Picture a cozy living room, warm with the scent of Grandma’s famous cookies, now heavy with the sting of betrayal. A phone call from Luke, the soon-to-be groom, unleashed a torrent of accusations that left his grandmother’s heart in pieces. At the center of this storm stands the OP, a 31-year-old woman whose refusal to bend to wedding demands has peeled back layers of hidden resentment. What began as a clash over communion has spiraled into a family fracture, with loyalties tested and tears shed.

Caught in a web of Luke’s grievances and Emma’s control, the family grapples with truths they never saw coming. The OP’s stand wasn’t just about faith—it was a spark that lit up old wounds, leaving everyone to wonder if love can mend what words have broken. Can a wedding still unite when trust hangs by a thread?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post , update 1

‘Update 2 to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’

My brother has gone too far and I decided to be done with him. He made our Grandma cry and I think permanently damaged a lot of his relationships. I want to mention some of my cousins and other family members thought I was just stubborn and creating drama but now there is no longer my side or Emma's side. Maybe he always felt this way but the issue he has with Robert is absolutely ridiculous.

He was so upset with what Grandma said about him being Emma's lap dog that he called her to speak about it. I was obviously not present for the conversation but Grandma told me what happened and Luke confirmed it. He told her that it was unfair of me to ask Robert for help since he was her favorite grandchild and would get her to side with me no matter how wrong I was.

He also told her that many of the cousins believe this and that it was so obvious since she even left her religion for him, he claimed the other LGBTQ+ members of the family (most were not even born when Robert came out by the way) doubted if she would do it for them. So Grandma explained to Luke and then call every single one of her grandchildren to ask them how they felt and explain to each a part we didn't know.

She said that when Robert came out and she spoke with the old Priest he hinted about knowing of places to set Robert 'straight'. Grandma had heard horror stories from this places and so had Robert and they both spoke with my parents together about that not being an option at all. My parents never intended to send Robert there and are very casual Catholics, but Grandma wanted to cover the basis just in case.

I was told Grandma sounded like she had being crying on the phone and after the first couple of calls, which went from oldest to youngest the group chat started to blow. Robert is livid, our LGBTQ+ cousins are livid and say Luke lied, even the cousins that were telling me to stop being a stubborn head are livid. By the time I was up for my call I was already on the way to Grandma's.

Two of my cousins were already there and the youngest one, Sara (16F), was ready to literally fight Luke. For a bit of levity Sara is about 35 cm smaller than Luke and the image of her swinging at him made me laugh a bit, she asked if I was making fun of her and I just explained the whole mental image of her trying to hit him and she admitted it was kind of funny. What I didn't tell her is I would love to slap some sense into Luke.

My Grandma has been through so much in her life and this is not what we want for her. She looks puffy faced and kept asking everybody if they truly felt unloved by her, saying she would do everything for any of us. Explaining how Robert was the oldest grandchild but that didn't mean she loved the rest any less.

She is a strong woman, but I think something inside her broke a little with the thought she hurt her grandchildren. It was a shitshow, a big one and I was just so done with Luke. My parents have been passive towards the situation so far because I asked them to, but after they heard what happened they told him they need time away from him.

Robert is simply disgusted and decided to not speak with him anymore, which he communicated through the cousin group chat with Luke's response being that this is why Emma's help on reining all us would be so beneficial if we just let her. He also added how Robert never cared for him or anybody really and he just tried to be the center of attention all the time.

He cited his coming out, his announcement he was gonna marry a woman, the birth of his child, it was ridiculous. He came out when Luke was a toddler and for many years only our parents and grandparents knew. He announced he was gonna marry his now wife through a text but didn't interfere or took from anybody.

His child was born 4 months before Luke's graduation and apparently that was a big issue for Luke that he never commented. Maybe I am biased, maybe I am selfish like Emma claims, but I call b**lshit on his tantrum. Every single one of the cousins has been helped, babysat, tutored, gotten out of trouble, you name it by Robert.

He isn't perfect but he isn't the conniving ass Luke is claiming. Maybe Luke has always felt inadequate and we didn't notice, maybe it was his last ditch effort, maybe Emma has manipulated him so far that he can't come back. It doesn't matter anymore. If he does marry Emma I wish him the best, if he doesn't I hope he goes to therapy.

Regardless of what he decides he burned so many bridges and hurt so many people, I don't see this resolving any time soon. For now I will focus on my Grandma and making her feel better. I feel extremely guilty because it was Emma's situation with me that opened this can of worms, I know I shouldn't but it's hard not to.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Luke’s attack on Grandma feels like a desperate grab for control in a family unraveling under wedding stress. The OP’s refusal to confess set off this chain reaction, but Luke’s accusations reveal a deeper struggle—resentment masked as righteousness. By dragging Robert’s coming-out story into the fray, Luke’s not just fighting Emma’s battles; he’s airing personal grudges that cut deep.

Family conflicts often hide unspoken insecurities. A 2024 Pew Research study found 62% of sibling disputes stem from perceived parental favoritism, lingering into adulthood (pewresearch.org). Luke’s fixation on Robert suggests he’s wrestling with feelings of inadequacy, possibly amplified by Emma’s influence. His claim that Emma could “rein” the family hints at a partnership built on control, not unity.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Blaming others is a shortcut to avoid facing our own pain” (psychologytoday.com). Luke’s outburst sidesteps his role in the drama, projecting onto Robert and Grandma. The OP’s guilt, though natural, misses the mark—this isn’t her fault but a symptom of Luke’s unresolved issues. For healing, Luke needs therapy to unpack his anger, while the OP could rally cousins for a Grandma-focused gesture, like a heartfelt letter. Readers, how do you mend family ties after such a betrayal?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s buzzing with reactions, dishing out everything from hugs to hot takes. It’s like a virtual family reunion, minus the awkward small talk. Here’s what the community had to say: These comments pack a punch, but do they see the whole story—or just add fuel to the fire?

Lizardgirl25 − Wow it sounds like it is self projection from Luke he is the conniving a**hole he is saying Robert is.. Edit: Internet Stranger here also sends hugs to your grandma and your family in general.

Bonnm42 − This is not your doing. Understand this is all Emma’s fault. She knows it too. I’d bet money she is realizing how much her need to feel superior to you is costing. Emma sounds like she cares very deeply about what people think of her.

Hence the need to get her “elders” approval. Also explains her desire to not want to group you into the elders she needs approval from, especially since you look younger, and she’s vain. Just be prepared, this is not over. Someone like Emma is not going to take this well.. #Updateme!

meatballsub33 − I posted this on the other post, but if she is such a good Catholic she should know you can’t take communion anyway, since you weren’t married in the church. I wouldn’t break the rules for this p**cho.. Hope your brother gets away from her before she hurts anymore people.

K_A_irony − You are still NTA. Weddings and funerals... They seem to bring out the best or worst in people. Your grandma CLEARLY is the best.. and well Luke... sigh... I hope he grows up.

Ikfactor − NTA Your little brother and his fiancée sound insane, as he thinks y'all are obligated to let some unhinged random woman to

It sounds like your brother has created a narrative of the situation that is likely not recognizable as truth by anyone else. Maybe he resents being the kid and no one listening to him and figures he can get his way by acting victim. Who knows?  In any case, being related doesn't necessarily mean people have to be part of your life. To me this would open a window in for brother being a problematic af person.

mocha_lattes_ − Get all the grandkids (minus Luke) together and throw a celebration party for grandma. Show her that you all love and cherish her. I'm sure that would heal her heart and make it so she didn't feel the need to question if anyone thinks she doesn't love them as much as another grandkid. 

writingmmromance2 − Ummm...I'm not going to lie, his hyper focus on her support of Robert coming out makes me question whether Luke is struggling with his own sexuality and is terrified that it might be uncovered. That kind of deflection is a pretty common tactic by folks who are desperate for their sexuality to remain hidden.

Now, I'm not saying he's gay, he may even just be curious but it's interesting how that's what he's attaching to. Honestly, if you're parents are in any way helping fund this wedding, if I were them I'd pull that financial support. Clearly, the relationship is unhealthy.

Swiss_Miss_77 − I still want Grandma to adopt me! I don't have any grandparents left, and some of the ones I had were pretty craptastic. I would love a good grandma, and she sounds like a good one!

tjbmurph − Let Grandma know that ALL of her internet family adore her, and we're pissed off at Lapdog and Crazy Woman for daring to come at her. She has my sword

DisneyBuckeye − I'm putting this all on Emma being a domineering b**ch and Luke being a spineless twerp. It started with her wanting to dictate your actions because she assumed she was older than you and would be able to boss you around. When Robert made his revelation to her, she changed her target to him.

She's dripping her poison words into Luke's ear and pulling him away from his family. I only hope that he wakes up and realizes what's going on before too much has happened and you/your family are no longer willing to take him back. Please give your Grandma a huge hug and kiss for me. She sounds like my Nanny, who I lost back in 1997. I'd give anything to spend more time with her.

This saga’s no longer just about a wedding—it’s a mirror to how grudges can fester, even in the tightest families. The OP’s left picking up pieces, not for herself, but for a Grandma who deserves better. Luke’s choices have burned bridges, but could time rebuild them? What would you do if a sibling’s words broke your family’s heart? Share your thoughts—have you faced a feud that tested your bonds? Let’s unpack this together!

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