UPDATE: AITAH for telling my daughter her much older boyfriend isn’t welcome in our home?

The airport terminal hummed with reunions, but Linda’s smile froze as her daughter, Ellie, stepped forward with a man old enough to be her father. At 20, Ellie’s college vacation was meant to bring family closer, not drop a bombshell named Tom, 44, her secretive new boyfriend. Linda’s heart sank, picturing Ellie’s usual chatter replaced by this jarring surprise, his graying hair a stark contrast to her youthful glow.

For Linda and her husband, it’s not just shock—it’s a gut-twist of worry, wondering what draws their open-book daughter to a man their age. Readers might feel that parental jolt, sensing a love that could pull a family apart. As Ellie storms off, calling them judgmental, Linda’s left grappling with instinct versus harmony. Can parents protect without pushing away?

For those who want to read the previous part: AITAH for telling my daughter her much older boyfriend isn’t welcome in our home?

‘UPDATE: AITAH for telling my daughter her much older boyfriend isn’t welcome in our home?’

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for their comments and messages yesterday. I was o**rwhelmed with the responses and didn't expect my post to gain so much attention. I know opinions were quite split, but I appreciate everyone for being honest.

Please accept my apologies for not responding to anyone, but there has been a lot on my mind so I thought it would be best to provide an update for those interested. For those who haven't read the whole post, a brief summary is my 20-year-old daughter, Ellie, brought home her boyfriend of 5 months, Tom, to our house.

Tom happens to be 44, and my husband and I told Tom that he wasn't welcome in our home. Ellie and Tom are currently staying in a nearby hotel. I was incredibly down throughout most of Sunday, so I spoke to my husband and said that I really wanted to see Ellie.

However, I knew that wouldn't be possible without also seeing Tom, so I mentioned to my husband about meeting Ellie and Tom at a neutral location for brunch today. I asked my husband if he wanted to join, but he said he didn't feel in the right frame of mind at this stage, so we agreed that I would go alone.

I was anxious throughout the drive but when I met Ellie, those nerves subsided relatively quickly. I was generally just happy to see her and that she was well. I still felt a bit uncomfortable around Tom, but I thought this was the opportunity to find out more about him and his

We sat down and I tried to find out as much information about Tom as possible. When I asked him to elaborate on being

Throughout his time, he still frequented the main bars and places that college students do, which meant he remained in the community in some form. I found it quite an unsettling response but remained polite. In terms of other details I learned, Tom has never been married, nor does he have any children.

He works as a software engineer and enjoys cooking and meditation in his spare time. Something felt off about him, but maybe I already had my preconceptions. Ellie spoke more about what a

When I asked her to elaborate, she spoke about how they both love the same spots around town and campus (with apparently the same love of sushi), and she's never met someone so mature and understanding. Tom also said that Ellie was perfect for him and he was serious.

I probed if he'd had many other relationships with younger women; Ellie didn't enjoy this question, but Tom said that he generally

Ellie said how nice it had been and she was so happy I had shown an interest in Tom before asking whether they could both come to dinner some evening. I told her that would be nice, but I would have to speak to her dad. Tom shook my hand and that was that.

My husband remains reluctant, but I feel it's the right thing to do if we want to maintain a relationship with Ellie. I didn't like Tom off first impressions and this hasn't done much to convince me. Something is just

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Age-gap romances can light fuses, and Linda’s clash with Ellie’s boyfriend is a sparkler gone wild. Linda’s disgust at Tom’s age—44 to Ellie’s 20—stems from fear of exploitation, while Ellie sees love, not red flags. Banning Tom feels protective but risks isolating Ellie, who’s doubling down on her “serious” romance. Both sides dig in, love for Ellie their only common ground.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychology expert, writes in a 2024 New York Times article, “Parental bans often tighten a young adult’s grip on risky relationships—open dialogue works better.” Linda’s snap judgment, fueled by Tom’s “college town” presence, might push Ellie closer to him. A 2023 Journal of Social Issues study notes 65% of age-gap couples face family pushback, amplifying defiance.

Tom’s vague “party” backstory raises eyebrows—why’s a middle-aged man circling coeds? Linda’s right to worry, but slamming doors won’t help. Dr. Damour suggests asking Ellie neutral questions—like what she loves about Tom—to spark self-reflection without ultimatums. Readers, ever faced a loved one’s odd match? How’d you keep the peace?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s crowd dove into Linda’s drama like it’s a spicy potluck, serving up wit, warnings, and a few raised brows. It’s like a lively group chat where everyone’s got a take, from sneaky plans to straight-up shade. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crew, packed with zingers and heart:

lynnlugg7777 − Please make sure she’s on reliable birth control.

ellabelle33 − The fact his favorite spots are where college students hang out is such a red flag. He’s stuck in a frat boy mentality and never grew up. I can only hope your daughter sees this sooner than later and that the dudes a total creep.

WebInformal9558 − Rejecting him outright is probably not going to change her mind, but could leave her more vulnerable to isolation. I think you're making a good choice, although I'm sure it's tough.

Delnordo − She’ll age out

Tamanna000 − It would be best to get some background checks done on this man. There could be a lot of lies involved, he sounds sketchy enough already.

[Reddit User] − Go to a restaurant for dinner instead of your home. Make an excuse that you had a water leak or you didn't have time to get groceries. Stay away from your home as much as possible with him. You pay for the meal, it will make him feel like a child, which he deserves, but it will look like you're being kind. You and your husband should be able to tolerate him well enough for as long as you have to. He likely isn’t in to this relationship either.

Ha1rBall − That's what I love about these college girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

taorthoaita − Honestly, your husband needs to become best buddies with this dude. Freak your daughter out. Give her the ick. On a more serious note, not sure how you should deal with the situation but best of luck. NTA.

PudaRex − A man who still frequents his college digs after 20 years is still stuck at that age. He has not grown, is immature, and is trying to hang on to a life where he was probably at his peak. Hopefully, your daughter will see reason and realize that she will soon outgrow him because he will not mature past this point if he hasn’t already. Hopefully she will see it sooner rather than later.

Zealousideal_Mood118 − There's guys like Tom in every college town. I hope the daughter figures things out before getting pregnant or marrying this guy. Guys who prey on women under 25, who don't have fully developed brains always give me the icks.

These Redditors aren’t holding back, tossing out clever ploys or urging Linda to chill to save Ellie. Some smell a creep in Tom; others bet on time to unravel the romance. But do their hot takes catch the full vibe, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear—this family showdown’s got everyone hooked. What’s your spin on Linda’s move?

Linda’s tale is a rollercoaster of love, instinct, and a daughter’s defiance. Banning Tom felt like shielding Ellie, but her hotel standoff screams trouble—can Linda mend this without losing her girl? Ellie’s heart’s set, but Tom’s shadow looms large. Time might reveal his truth, or maybe Ellie’s right. If your kid brought home a shocking plus-one, how’d you handle it? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this family tangle!

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE 2: AITAH for telling my daughter her much older boyfriend isn’t welcome in our home?

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