Update: My husband gave his friend my lunch?

In every relationship, small actions can sometimes unveil big truths. In this update, a young wife recounts a painful revelation that escalated from an awkward dinner incident into an emotional betrayal. When she initially complained about her husband giving away her carefully prepared lunch, she never imagined that a deeper undercurrent of disrespect and deceit would soon surface. This unexpected confrontation has left her reeling and questioning the foundation of a bond that once felt unbreakable.

Now, caught between nostalgic memories of a love that began in her teenage years and the harsh reality of emotional infidelity, she finds herself at a crossroads. The raw mix of sorrow, anger, and confusion is palpable as she reflects on the actions that led to this heart-wrenching update. With her emotions on full display and her future uncertain, she now turns to trusted friends—and the ever-earnest Reddit community—for guidance on what steps to take next.

 

‘Update: My husband gave his friend my lunch?’

This isn’t gonna be a long update at all. I talked to my husband after he got home today and long story short, they have feelings for one another. He denied cheating but I feel like there was at least emotional cheating. I don’t know what to do as I’ve been with him since I was 16 and he was my first everything, I can’t even imagine a life without him. I’m currently at my mom’s house.

I came over here after all the chaos, he’s been blowing up my phone with text and calls. First he was apologetic, to it was “she means nothing and now I’m insecure woman he claims. He tells me he still loves me but if I’m with you then I want to be the only one you love. Lots of you also pointed out that he was disrespectful which he was and I can’t stand for that either.

I checked the ring camera and her car is currently in our driveway. Anyways, I feel like complete s**t. Me and him mostly have mutual friends since I didn’t have much friends in high school, just college which is where I met him (we were in the same friend group). I’ve been crying and I’ll admit embarrassingly I’ve thrown up about twice.

My mom has been super supportive and tonight she’s letting me forget with ice cream and rewatching love island. But she said it’ll be temporary as me and her need to have discussions on what will be with me and my husband going forward..

That’s it though, thanks for all the advice I got and completely things get better.. Again, I’m sorry if any of this is hard to understand as my hands are very shaky.. Sorry and please refrain from any hate comments.

Moments of betrayal can quickly reveal cracks in even the most long-standing relationships. It’s common for couples to face moments of miscommunication or selfish decisions; however, when one partner admits to harboring feelings for someone else, it signals a deeper issue. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman has noted that “small breaches of trust, if unchecked, can evolve into major emotional infidelities that undermine the very foundation of a relationship” (more on this at Gottman Institute).

In this case, the wife’s initial frustration over a lost lunch has unraveled into the painful realization of potential emotional cheating. This kind of betrayal often goes beyond mere mistakes—it speaks to a pattern of disrespect and emotional unavailability. Experts advise that when such admissions surface, it is crucial to engage in honest, unfiltered communication. Couples should consider professional counseling to navigate these turbulent emotions while reassessing whether both partners share the same vision for the future. Taking time to gather evidence, reflect, and plan next steps can be essential before making any life-changing decisions.

Check out how the community responded:

Across the online community, there is a resounding consensus: the emotions stirred up by this update are not only valid but also a stark warning sign. Many commentators express that the incident isn’t just about food—it’s about the deep-seated disregard and emotional manipulation at play. The consensus is that inviting someone else into the home while the wife is away, and the casualness with which her lunch was given away, speak to a profound lack of respect. In summary, the community unanimously stresses that no one should endure such betrayal, urging the affected partner to prioritize her self-worth and consider whether staying in such a relationship is truly in her best interest.

InternationalBad2640 − What the hell is her car doing in your driveway while you’re not there if he loves you so much and she means nothing? He’s continuing to disrespect you by having her over while you’re at your mom’s house.

I know it’s hard, and I know imagining your life without him is difficult, but if you stay, you’ll be teaching him that there’s a line of disrespect that you’ll tolerate and he’ll have no problem dancing right up on it whenever he feels like it going forward.

You’re worthy of so much more, and a man who would behave this way is not good enough for you. As someone who was once in a similar situation and now married to someone wonderful, I promise better love than what your current husband is showing is waiting for you.

Consistent_Ad5709 − If you seen her car in your driveway I'm surprised you have not did a surprise pop up since he thinks you're at your mom's and caught them in the act. Just the disrespect Alone, says a lot.... don't wait on him to make the decision you need to make the decision for yourself.

Their actions are BS. If this is real, I mean the man literally went in there and got a plate you said not to give her and gave it to her right in front of your face, that shows the importance of her.. You deserve better.

SeriousLack8829 − Girl, I’d block her car in and call everyone over so we can all burst in and hear his brain dead explanations. Then call her parents/family/friends and church if she has one to speak with her about her home wrecking.

Insist HE leave, not you. Have over people for support and in case he comes back and tries anything. I’d call their shared boss too. . I’m a terrible person but I don’t suffer alone. I’d put everything out into daylight. 🤷‍♀️

Historical-Hall-2246 − The level of disrespect from your husband and “friend” is insane.

spacemouse21 − NTA. He is. Time to divorce. save the video of the other car in the driveway. Save anything you can find.

Good_Ad6336 − Are you kidding me? I don’t even know you and I am LIVID! Her car is in your driveway?! Absolutely no! There is no coming back from that. I would send one message to your husband and tell him he has exactly two minutes to get his side piece out of YOUR house.

He has already defiled your marriage vows. He wants to be a cheater out and about fine. It’s too late to change that. He is officially a cheater. But that is YOUR house. Apologies for the harshness but it needed to be said. You deserve so much better. This man literally is having an emotional affair and his brilliant idea to win you back is to bring her to your house?!

Sweetie, he is not ready to let go of the other woman. He will either fight against you to have her around or he will get smarter with his method of cheating. Mark my words, you will be hearing “she’s a friend I can’t just cut her off”, and “It wasn’t that big of a deal, she and I can still be friends”, etc etc.

How am I confident in this? Because he’s actions speak louder than words. Had he been remorseful he would’ve cut the woman off without you telling him, he would’ve have asked you what you needed from him to earn back trust, and he NEVER would’ve invited her into your home the moment you left. In case it needs to be said, you do not have to accept this. You can and have every right to walk away.

Now, if you decide to stay that is your prerogative. However it will not be easy. And your marriage will only survive if you both make the effort. So far your husband has given you very minimal effort. And during the crucial time where your marriage is on the line, he chose to her. Really sit on that for a while, because that is who your husband is. You cannot change him. Take your time to wallow and grieve.

Then reach out to your friends and family (anyone you trust with your life) and tell them what happened and your decision to either stay or leave. You will need their support. Often times people feel depressed, loneliness, and shame after they’ve been cheated on. Isolating yourself will only make it worse.

You need to surround yourself with people who love you to remind yourself that you are worth being loved and deserve to be loved. Don’t let your husband force you into hiding. Again, take some time to reflect and collect yourself and then act.. Good luck with everything!

Analisandopessoas − Don't let your husband manipulate you. The worst part is that he didn’t even wait—he already brought the other woman into your home. He is cheating, lying, and trying to manipulate you. Don’t accept this. Ask for a divorce.

davekayaus − You're in shock, so your physical response is understandable. Be kind to yourself. You also know this isn't the first time that woman has been to your house. She was far too familiar with the place last time.. Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer as soon as you can, to understand how the process will work.

mtngrl60 − Look. I could be your grandma. It’s time for a divorce. I understand he was your first everything. And that’s sweet. But real life is now intruding. I promise you I’m not being snarky, and I am not being condescending. Unfortunately, with the two of you going through is not uncommon when people have been together since high school.

Sometimes it works out, and when it does, it often does work out for life.  But it is also really common for the two of you, who got together as kids, to wind up growing in different directions. And that’s what’s happening now. Your husband is a POS for not just being honest with you.

He can justify things in his head all he wants, but he has been having an emotional affair. And if you left, and her car is in your driveway, it’s probably more than that. My best suggestion to you is to take a couple of days off work. Get together with your mom. Get yourself a little storage unit.

And while he’s at work, go and take every single thing that is yours out of that house. And I do mean everything. Now… This may take you a couple of days. So what you do is take a couple of days off. On the first day, as soon as you know, he’s left for work, you head over to the house.

You get everything that is most important. Get your clothes. Get your important paperwork. Get your jewelry. When you leave, make sure you take your marriage certificate. And make sure you have a copy… Pictures on your on your phone are fine… Of everything that could be considered an asset or liability in your marriage. That means bank statements.

Lease agreement or mortgage paperwork. Tax returns for the last couple of years. The last wage slips for both of you. Copies of bank statements… Including separate ones if you can get those. So if you each have your own, you still want that information for your divorce attorney as far as his own account. Utility bills. Car registration/titles.

And if you have a car that is in your name, make sure you take all that paperwork with you. Insurance… Medical, dental, life. Retirement account statements. Wills. All of this take so long at a time. But you need every bit of information about your life together. Every bit of assets and liabilities. Then you have a consultation with an attorney with all of that.

And they will tell you the most likely scenario and how things will most likely play out in a divorce. Your husband is caught, and he knows it. This is why he at first was all apologetic and saying it meant nothing.  And then when that didn’t work, he got n**ty and blamed you. Let me reiterate that this is not your fault.

Nobody made him carry on an affair with his coworker. And an emotional affair is every bit as much an affair as if they were having s** in your bed. And I hate to tell you this, but they probably were. So, pull your big girl panties on right now. Get angry. Stop crying. Because I guarantee you he’s not.

Understand there is nothing at all wrong with you. This is not about you at all. This is about him having his ego stroke by someone else. This is about him thinking he’s been missing out… FOMO… Because he got together so young and hasn’t had a chance to experience life. I guarantee that one’s gonna come up.

But the bottom line is this even if he’s going through an early 20s crisis, you did nothing to deserve being cheated on.  You did nothing to deserve the disrespect. He is showing you. You did nothing to deserve the aggression he is showing you. And he’s showing you these things because he knows he’s wrong. When people ask you why you broke up, don’t be embarrassed.

Tell him flat out… Because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He couldn’t keep his emotions in his mind in his marriage. And I deserve better than that. So I left. Once you have all your ducks in a row, you’re going to have time to mourn the loss of your relationship. The loss of your marriage. The loss of the future you thought you had. And that’s OK. But for now, get pissed off. Be strong. And tell him to take a flying leap. 

Mitten-65 − Wow! I am so sorry. He’s already got her in your home and you’ve only been gone a short while? I think he’s made the decision for you and I am so sorry, but you are going to have to divorce this man. Don’t let him have the house.

In conclusion, this update serves as a sobering reminder that the smallest actions—like giving away a meal—can sometimes expose larger fractures in trust and respect. The revelation of an emotional affair has forced the wife to confront the painful possibility that the man she once adored might no longer be fully present in their relationship. As she takes time to process her emotions and evaluate her future, this post invites others to reflect on what they value in love and commitment.

What would you do if you discovered a betrayal like this in your own relationship? How do you rebuild trust when even the simplest gestures become symbols of deeper issues? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, and join the conversation about maintaining self-respect in the face of unexpected betrayal.

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