My husband met his ex for a date before our wedding to make sure (update)?

In the wake of recent revelations and private confessions, the turbulent drama of a fractured union takes a new turn. The discovery of a pre-wedding date with an ex had initially cast a long shadow over their celebrations, but now deeper conversations expose lingering doubts and the impact of relentless family pressures.

The husband’s own admission of cold feet only fuels an escalating tension that challenges the very foundation of their marriage. For those who want to read the previous part: [My husband went on a last date with his ex a week before we got married to make sure.]

Now, the narrative shifts to the aftermath—where honest disclosures and a renewed focus on protecting the joy brought by their newborn reveal the cracks in what once seemed a steadfast relationship. As both partners confront raw emotions and difficult truths, the path ahead remains uncertain, demanding sincere introspection and tough decisions.

‘My husband met his ex for a date before our wedding to make sure (update)?’

1) My husband and I have talked, well he did most of the talking and I listened. I asked him for the honest truth. He said that he got cold feet. He was panicking about why nobody saw what he saw. He showed me texts from his family and friends up until our wedding of people asking him why he was doing this and if he really was sure.

His sister said that he was making a huge mistake. After the wedding however everyone stopped and they basically told him they respected his decision even if they couldn’t understand it. I never felt that they liked me but I have noticed that they were less intense and rude after the marriage. But starting now, “less rude” isn’t enough for me anymore.

2) The date was a dinner and wine. He understood it was wrong the second he sat at the table but didn’t want to just leave because it would’ve been weird and rude to ditch her when he was the one who made the dinner plans. 3) He didn’t tell me because he knew I would call off the wedding and think it was bigger than it was. He didn’t want to hurt me. He said that he loved me from the day we met and that never changed.

4) we are going NC with his sister and mother and most of his friends and family. His decision, not mine. His father is the one member that genuinely loves me. I have no problem having him in my life. 5) We are far from ok. I told him I needed time because we can’t make any decisions and right now we need to concentrate on our baby. I don’t want us to miss out on her first weeks.

There’s something new with her every day and I don’t want us to miss that. I don’t want this experience to be tainted with being heartbroken. I refuse to miss out on the joy my baby has brought into my life. I see therapy and counseling in the future bilut not right now. I don’t want that. Then we either come out stronger or we separate.

6) I am 3 years older than my husband and 8 older than his ex. To the people in my dm’s calling me ugly and jealous. I am neither. Not every girl dreams to be tall and blonde. Not every man likes tall and blonde. Only incels think the Stacy is goals and nothing else.

7) They broke up because my husband didn’t develop feelings for her. When he realized it wasn’t happening he ended things because he was looking for love. So no I wasn’t the backup even if many people in my previous post thought it was a good idea to call me a backup to add more insult to injury. (What kind of satisfaction do you get from that?)

Letting difficult truths spill into the public realm often forces couples to reassess everything they thought was secure. In this unfolding drama, the husband’s confession of cold feet and the subsequent justification of his behavior reveal how external pressures, amplified by toxic family input, can disrupt a marriage’s foundation.

Critics note that the influential role of family in personal decisions, especially when amplified by persistent third-party opinions, can lead to confusion and a breakdown of trust. The wife’s reaction—the choice to go NC with most of his family—underscores the profound impact of feeling undervalued by those closest to the partner. By not coming forward earlier, the husband complicated the situation further, leaving his wife with a mosaic of painful doubts rather than clear-cut answers.

This episode reflects broader issues affecting modern marriages, where the opinions of extended family and friends often intrude into private domains. Research shows that transparency and early communication are key to maintaining trust. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman observes, “A healthy relationship is built on honesty and mutual respect.”

His insight emphasizes that testing one’s commitment by seeking constant validation—even from an ex—sets a dangerous precedent, leaving both parties questioning the integrity of their bond. In light of this, couples are encouraged to establish firm boundaries with external influences and to confront vulnerabilities directly through open dialogue and professional guidance. Such proactive measures are essential for preserving the integrity of a relationship in times of crisis.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

In response to the update, the Reddit community remains as vocal as ever. The responses vary from critical condemnation of the husband’s evasiveness to support for the wife’s decision to separate herself from toxic family influences. Users have expressed sympathy for the wife and emphasized the importance of prioritizing the newborn’s welfare above lingering marital discord. Many applaud the move toward no contact with unsupportive family members, labeling it a necessary step in reclaiming emotional well-being.

catstaffer329 − Wow, that is a horrible blow at a vulnerable time. Is he right in assuming that if he told you back then, you would have called off the wedding? It is a valid question because it may help you sort out where you are now.

Just remember, if the wedded relationship doesn't work for you for any reason, it is okay to be gracious co-parents. I am so sorry that happened to you and delighted that you have a baby to love and cherish. I wish you peace and joy going forward.

Open-Incident-3601 − Even if you forgive that he hid it from YOU, he clearly didn’t hide it from his mom. He clearly discussed the date with her. She knew at wedding, she knew every time you saw her. He handed a weapon to your enemy and she used it when you were most vulnerable with your newborn.

advvvvx − It’s so hard because you always knew how special your love was as a couple and what made him realize it was special is also the same thing that took that special away from you. If that makes sense. I hope whatever decision you choose moving forward you find peace

[Reddit User] − yea, I commented on your previous post, and this is exactly what I thought it was. He didn't really want to, he wasn't interested in her, but when every single person in your life, everyone you love whose opinions your value are all saying the same s**t even the most confident self assured person might have a moment of doubt/insecurity.

He definitely should've been honest about it early on but I do understand the panic moment, his family sucks though they can kick rocks, focus on your daughter and your new family and def some couples counseling for you both and individual counseling for him bc his family did a number on him.

Technical_Pumpkin_65 − It’s a positive start and going NC with problematic people in his side is a good thing but still you should counseling ! Too much emotions,new baby,.. you have to be able to express yourself and let that out

Peanutsandcheese2021 − Good update but your MIL is such a huge b1tch to ruin your newborn baby bubble with this. She knew exactly what she was doing.

These-Process-7331 − Out of curiosity: do you know why so many people from his side were against him dating you? Race? Money? Him looking like superman and you like an obese crackaddict!? 1 or 2 superficial idiots I could understand, but multiple!?????

HappyCommunication67 − It's fantastic that your husband made the decision to go NC with them, in your first post I said exactly that, NC to everyone who made comments about you and questioned your relationship, take all the time you need to deal with things, enjoy your new motherhood, and do what you feel is right for you, your husband, your baby , your family, living

and building a home in peace and security is priceless and all those people only put a shadow on your life. PS: Don't pay attention to people who try to say that you were a second choice or who try to lower your self-esteem, know your value, even if no one else does, value yourself and who you are. You are and will be the standard and example that your baby will have. Best wishes!!. (Make your husband redeem himself 😂😂. Put him to work!! )

pickensgirl − I’m not going to negate any of your feelings. They are very valid. To realize he was second guessing when you were confidently walking into marriage. To realize he was having thoughts thoroughly opposed to yours, questioning your future, and you never had a clue. That’s an indication he can keep a significant secret.

Which makes you automatically wonder what else he might not be saying. All of this brings to light real areas of concern. I just want to say one thing. Having a toxic family is such an impediment to any kind of health and wholeness. One thing I’ve learned from my own toxic family situation is that they make you feel crazy for being sane.

Which no one can fully understand until they’ve been there. It’s not until you get some distance from that kind of mess that you start seeing things more clearly and the farther you get from it the more the haziness fades. I have a great deal of sympathy for your husband because I know what it felt like to have my family put a tremendous amount of pressure on me in a certain situation.

They made me feel like I was completely messing up my life. In reality that decision was the best decision I ever made. He didn’t handle this correctly. He should have been more open with you about what was going on. However, true openness isn’t allowed in toxic family situations. You learn quickly that only acceptable narratives can be voiced.

He was acting in a pattern heavily influenced by his family of origin. . I can see so clearly how a dysfunctional family dynamic influenced all of his behaviors. I can also see so clearly how creating a healthier dynamic with you has been helping him to see their behaviors for what they are. He is immediately going no contact after this atrocious boundary crossing behavior from his mom.

You are not having to explain or convince him of how out of line she was being while visiting you in your home with your new baby. From someone who grew up in a terribly toxic situation I just want to say I hope you give counseling a chance. That you give him a chance as long as he is indicating he is willing to fight for your family.

Ultimately, that’s your decision and I definitely affirm that. I’ve just lived the experience of a partner standing by me when behaviors caused by my dysfunctional upbringing and toxic family of origin almost derailed us. We did the work and have built a really solid life together.

We’ve been married thirty years. We have multiple children. We enjoy each other and the family we have formed immensely.. I know our story isn’t everyone’s story. However, it’s certainly an option I hope you don’t discard. Congratulations on your new little one. I am hoping the very best in the future for you, your child, and your husband. 

CarbieNOTaBarbie − I asked my BFF if she was *SURE* before she married the last 2 husbands. (She's on #3) I do not like him, but I just asked her in a private conversation, in person, was she sure?? She said yes, she wanted this. While I do not like him, she lives with him and I'm happy for her.

I would NEVER interfere in that relationship, other than I wanted to be sure it is what she wanted. (I felt he pushed for a relationship when she wasn't ready). I hope counseling and the NC help. His mother is a**orrent.

In conclusion, the latest developments in this unfolding relationship saga highlight how deep-seated family dynamics and unspoken fears can reshape a couple’s future. The conversation between husband and wife, while revealing, only deepens the chasm between personal reassurances and familial expectations.

With pivotal decisions yet to be made—coupled with the delicate joys of a newborn—the path forward remains uncertain. What would you do if faced with a similar dilemma, where love is challenged by external pressures and buried insecurities? Share your insights and join the discussion below.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *