AITA for yelling at my mother for telling everyone she knows I am pregnant?

In the midst of a long and arduous IVF journey, where every step is filled with hope and heartbreak, one woman finds herself at a breaking point. After years of struggling with fertility and enduring multiple miscarriages, she had finally reached a milestone in her high-risk pregnancy. However, despite repeatedly asking for privacy, her own mother broke her promise by sharing the news and even posting ultrasound images online. This breach of trust turned her joy into pain, reigniting scars of past hurt.

The emotional turmoil of navigating a delicate, medically intense pregnancy was compounded by the betrayal of a confidante—the one person who was expected to safeguard her personal news. With over a dozen discussions held on maintaining confidentiality, her mother’s impulsive actions not only undermined her control over her story but also left her feeling exposed and disrespected, setting the stage for a heart-wrenching confrontation.

‘AITA for yelling at my mother for telling everyone she knows I am pregnant?’

I have been doing IVF for 4+ years, and have had multiple miscarriages. The last time my mother told everyone that she was going to be a grandmother when I was 5 weeks along, I had no idea until I miscarried and got numerous Facebook messages from people I didn’t know about how sorry they were.

Not going to lie at the time I got very angry with her and she promised she would never do that again and after some time I forgave her. Cut to now I am again pregnant in a high risk pregnancy and again asked her not to share until I was past the first trimester. We had at least 15 conversations on this specific topic.

I am currently about 2.5 months along. Today I got a message again from some random person I don’t know apparently a friend of hers on Facebook about how happy they were for me.. Needless to say. I absolutely lost it with her this time. Her excuse was well if she had of know this people would message me she wouldn’t have told them.

Which of course, is absolutely not the friggin point. She says she is just excited and the fact that she waited as long as she did was really good for her. I also found out she was sharing my ultrasound pictures as well. Now she’s mad at me for being mad at her and telling me that I shouldn’t be getting mad at her because it’s stressing her out.. Am I the a**hole here? I don’t feel like this was a big ask…

Emotional boundaries are paramount, especially when medical journeys like IVF are involved. Breaching those boundaries can lead to added stress on an already fragile situation. For many, the need to control personal information becomes crucial in preserving mental well-being during high-stress times.

Delving into this issue, it becomes apparent that the OP’s anger stems from a deeply personal space being violated. A consistent pattern of oversharing by her mother has not only disrupted a carefully managed IVF process but also reactivated painful memories from previous miscarriages. The feelings of betrayal here are compounded by the recurrence of the same mistake, making it difficult for the OP to feel secure in her own narrative.

Relationship and family therapists often stress that maintaining clear and respected boundaries is essential. According to Dr. Susan Heitler, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, “It’s vital for both parties in a family to honor each other’s limits—even when excitement might tempt one to share.

Respect for privacy is a core component of trust.” Such expert advice underscores that repeated breaches, however well-meaning, can irreversibly fracture trust. Consequently, setting firmer boundaries or even limiting contact might be necessary for preserving one’s emotional health.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community largely agrees that when it comes to highly personal matters like an IVF journey, maintaining confidentiality is key. Many users express understanding for the OP’s frustration, noting that repeated breaches of trust—despite clear instructions—are unacceptable.

There is a consensus that oversharing not only exacerbates the emotional strain of a challenging pregnancy but also disrespects the intimate nature of the experience. In short, the general advice is to keep personal information within a trusted circle and reconsider sharing sensitive details with those who have previously shown a lack of discretion.

TemptingPenguin369 − What do they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? ESH, but this is on you for constantly providing your mother with info about your reproduction even though you know she'll disclose it.

GenxBaby2 − NTA but maybe stop confiding in your mother.

[Reddit User] − ESH. You know she's gonna spill the secret. Why keep sharing it with her if you don't want that to happen?. It's like getting a dog and being mad that they bark at things.

Alwaysaprairiegirl − Next post: she shared the name on Facebook that I told her in confidence.. Post after that: she told everyone that I was in labour.. Post after that: she shared the first pictures before I could.. Post after that: she told everybody/showed everyone (insert milestone here) before I could.

You need to nip this in the bud. Stop telling your mom anything pregnancy related. Just don’t tell her until you want the world to know. Because apparently she can’t keep her trap shut. And then guilts you after.

StripedBadger − Why do you keep telling her?! You know exactly what she’s like at this point. Bring mum into the conversation when you’re ready to announce it to the world, not before. Friend, I sympathise that this is a very stressful time, but you’re really the one *doing this to yourself*. ESH, because you’re picking AH choices to yourself.

stove1336 − NTA. She has no idea how hurtful this can be if thing do not work out with this pregnancy. I would definitely go low contact with her in the future regarding anything like this. When you stop talking to her as much and she asks why be honest.

Justreading-1970 − Information diet, she doesn’t need to know anything about your pregnancy. Limit her knowledge of YOUR PREGNANCY.

hubertburnette − You're NTA for being mad, although in a perfect world you wouldn't have yelled. (I don't blame you--I probably would have yelled too.) It's more devastating to someone like that to be calm, and say something like,

If they start to deflect even more, you can say,

(It's like asking people to explain how bullying was

Who the f**k cares about her feelings at this point you certainly shouldn't. And don't make it about your feelings; the issue isn't that you're mad. What matters is that you now know you can't trust her. And don't. It might be useful to take a break from talking to her about what you're going through, at least until she apologizes. Otherwise, you're likely to remain in a circle of her making her life about her and therefore ignoring what you want and need.

Shae_Dravenmore − The amount of victim blaming b**lshit in these comments is *staggering*. Like, how dare OP think they can trust their own mother?? OP, NTA, but for certain, it's time to put your mother on an info diet. These jerks do have a point; she can't share what you don't tell her. She needs to learn that her choices have consequences. Now she’s mad at me for being mad at her and telling me that I shouldn’t be getting mad at her because it’s stressing her out.. Stressing *her*? Please.

T_G_A_H − ESH. She is not to be trusted with any information that you do not want on Facebook. So don’t tell her!

In conclusion, the OP’s outburst reflects a justified reaction to a repeated violation of trust during one of the most vulnerable times of her life. This story highlights the importance of honoring personal boundaries, especially when sensitive issues like fertility and pregnancy are at stake. How would you handle a situation where someone you depend on continually disregards your privacy? Share your thoughts and personal experiences—let’s open a dialogue about setting boundaries in our relationships.

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