AITA For Going No Contact After Their Crazy Ask?

Betrayal can come in many forms, but discovering that your long-term partner is pregnant with another person’s child is a uniquely devastating experience. For a 30-year-old man, whom we’ll call Mark, this nightmare became a reality when he received a call from a friend revealing that his high school sweetheart, Cassie, was three months pregnant while he was working abroad. The subsequent confession from Cassie and the unbelievable reaction from Mark’s parents have left him reeling and questioning his decision to cut ties with his family.

Mark and Cassie had been together since they were teenagers, a beloved couple whose families eagerly anticipated their marriage and future grandchildren. Both had established successful careers, and Mark had recently taken a job that required him to work overseas for seven months. It was during this time that Cassie became pregnant. Her admission that the father was a random person from a “drunken mistake” was a crushing blow to Mark, leading him to immediately end their relationship. However, the shock didn’t end there.

‘AITA going nc with my family after they expected me to get back with my ex and help her raise her affair baby?’

I am 30 m. I am not sure how to word this because im crushed and dont know what to do. I have been with my high school sweetheart Cassie since we were 17. my parents love her and so did I. Our parents were always asking when we would get married and give them grandchildren and me and Cassie would say when we are finacially stable.

We are both doing good in our careers. My job however required me sometimes to leave the country. I left 7 months ago. I am due to go back this week. Except a friend of mine rang me to tell me that Cassie is 3 months pregnant. Obviously I am not the father. I didnt believe my friend and rang up Cassie and after pushing her she finally broke down crying and admitted that she is pregnant and it was a drunken mistake.

She said she doesnt know who the father is because it was a random guy. She said she wanted to keep the baby and we raise the baby. I was in shock and ended the call. I texted her and said we were done. She tried to ring back but I switched my phone off. I was on autopilot for a couple of days and just worked.

Then my boss told me he had a family emergency call from my Dad and I took the call. My parents basically said that Cassie confessed to cheating but it was a mistake and the baby needs a father. I saw red and told him if he was so worried about the baby then he can step up and be there. We got into a heated arguement and I ended the call and blocked him.

My mother and him and ex have been txting on different numbers and telling me to step up and mistakes happened. I got so fustrated that I rang them up and said that I was going nc with them and I will be looking to applying for a visa to stay in the current country permanently I heard my mother and ex start crying before I hung up. Its been a week now and I have time to think about what happened and wonder AITA?

Discovering infidelity in a long-term relationship is a profoundly painful experience, often leading to feelings of anger, sadness, and confusion. When this betrayal is compounded by an unexpected pregnancy with someone else, the emotional toll can be immense.

Mark’s initial reaction of ending the relationship with Cassie is a natural and understandable response to such a significant breach of trust. The expectation that he should then raise a child that is not his, especially under such circumstances, is an extraordinary request that places an unfair burden on him.

The involvement of Mark’s parents in this situation adds another layer of complexity. While their desire for grandchildren is understandable, their apparent dismissal of Cassie’s infidelity as a “mistake” and their pressure on Mark to “step up” and raise the child demonstrate a lack of empathy for his feelings and a disregard for the profound betrayal he has experienced. Family support is crucial during difficult times, but in this case, Mark’s parents seem to be prioritizing their own desires over their son’s emotional well-being.

According to Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and author on vulnerability and shame, “Betrayal is the violation of trust.” Cassie’s actions clearly constitute a significant betrayal of the trust Mark placed in her during their long-term relationship. Expecting Mark to then assume the responsibility of raising a child conceived through this betrayal is not only unrealistic but also potentially harmful to his emotional and mental health.

Mark’s decision to go no contact with his family, while drastic, may be a necessary step for him to process his emotions and establish healthy boundaries. In situations where family members are not providing support and are instead adding to the emotional distress, creating distance can be a way to protect oneself.

Mark has the right to prioritize his own well-being and make decisions about his future that are in his best interest. His plan to pursue a permanent visa in his current country suggests a desire to create a new life for himself, free from the emotional turmoil of this situation. While the pain of cutting off family is significant, it may be a necessary step for Mark to heal and move forward after this profound betrayal.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community has rallied around Mark with an outpouring of support and condemnation for Cassie and his parents. The consensus is overwhelmingly that Mark is “NTA” (Not the Asshole) and that the expectations placed upon him are unreasonable and unfair.

Commenters have expressed shock and anger at Cassie’s betrayal and the audacity of Mark’s parents in asking him to raise another man’s child. Many are urging Mark to stay no contact and build a new life for himself, free from the toxicity of this situation. Let’s dive into the strong opinions and advice offered by the Reddit hive mind.

Solid-Feature-7678 − NTA and WTF do so many people think a man should bite the bullet and raise some rando's kid because their wife/girlfriend/acquaintance decided to have unprotected s** with some other guy.

CamusVerseaux − NTA and DON'T LOOK BACK EVER! Your parents are f**king AH for trying to step up as the father of an affair. This is a great oportunity to make everything you want, don't throw it away.

Open-Incident-3601 − NTA and DO NOT return to where they live for at least a year. Do not let them manipulate you.

Forward_Most_1933 − NTA. Your parents' obsession with having grandkids is clouding their judgment. You have no obligation to Cassie or her child after she decided to cheat on you. It's cruel of them to expect you to play daddy to her child. Stay no contact and continue with your plans. Cassie and your parents are awful. Sorry, OP. 

Jokester_316 − NTA. You don't know if it was a drunkin' one night stand or if she's been hooking up on the regular since you have been gone for 7 months. What was her plan? Pick you up from the airport visibly pregnant and say SURPRISE?! Here's the facts. She cheated on you. Never felt guilt for her betrayal.

She thought she could keep it a secret from you for life. She then finds out she's pregnant. Again, she chose not to let you know. She also chose to keep the baby versus seeking termination of her pregnancy. All of these choices she made on her own. She can now suffer the consequences of her own actions.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't support and raise an affair child. It's not the innocent child's fault how they were conceived. I would resent the child, and that's not a healthy environment to grow up in. It is better for the child to grow up in a loving environment. If your parents want to support her and her kid, I'd step back from them as well. I know they care for her, but you are their son.

IwasafkXD − NTA. Your parents are just as crazy as the ex.

No-Comment-1095 − For the love of God and everything holy in this world run the f**k away please and never look back

glimmerseeker − Damn, you are so NTA. This sounds like it just happened - you finding out, I mean - and your parents are already trying to guilt you into raising a baby your high school sweetheart got knocked up with by some rando in a drunken one night stand. If this is real, everyone else but you are the AHs.

Cassie OBVIOUSLY. But your parents?! YOU don’t need to “step up” for anyone here because you didn’t do anything wrong. All of them saying “mistakes happen”…just wow. Take all the time you need to deal with all this information, betrayal, and b**lshit, then do whatever you need to do for yourself. Don’t be manipulated into doing anything you don’t want to do.

writingisfreedom − the baby needs a father.. That's Cassies problem. she finally broke down crying and admitted that she is pregnant and it was a drunken mistake.. Cassies actions have consequences...... A drunken mistake is stumbling and breaking a vase, I highly doubt she stumbled onto that man's penis(lol). Make sure you can't automatically be put on the BC because you're married

DuePromotion287 − NTA- WTF is wrong with your parents? Have they always been off?

These comments from Reddit users overwhelmingly support Mark’s decision to go no contact and emphasize the unreasonableness of the expectations placed upon him. The community’s strong reaction highlights the societal understanding that a man is not obligated to raise a child that is not biologically his, especially when the conception occurred through infidelity. The advice to prioritize his own well-being and build a new life reflects a collective recognition of the profound betrayal Mark has experienced.

Mark’s situation is a stark reminder of the devastating impact of betrayal and the importance of setting healthy boundaries, even with family. The expectation that he should raise his ex-girlfriend’s affair baby is not only unreasonable but also deeply unfair. Mark’s decision to go no contact with his family, while painful, appears to be a necessary step for him to heal and move forward after this profound betrayal.

What do you think of Mark’s decision to go no contact? Were his parents out of line for their expectations? What advice would you give Mark as he navigates this incredibly difficult situation? Share your thoughts and support in the comments below.

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