[25F] [M31] Please advise. Below are messages from my BF and I am just speechless. What type of a person do you think he is?
Picture a quiet evening, the soft hum of a phone breaking the silence as a young woman scrolls through messages that sting like a slap. Her boyfriend of four years, a man with a comfortable salary, lays out a cold ultimatum: change your body, your habits, your life—or don’t expect a single gift, not even a sweet. At 25, she’s left feeling unworthy, her heart heavy with doubt about the man she thought she knew.
This isn’t just a lovers’ quarrel; it’s a raw glimpse into a relationship teetering on contempt. Shared on Reddit, her story has ignited a firestorm of reactions, with users urging her to reclaim her worth. As she grapples with his words, the question looms: can love survive when it comes with such cruel conditions?
‘[25F] [M31] Please advise. Below are messages from my BF and I am just speechless. What type of a person do you think he is?’
This woman’s story is a gut-punch, exposing a dynamic where love feels like a transaction. Her boyfriend’s messages, dripping with condescension, frame her as a project to be fixed rather than a partner to be cherished. His conditions—work out, eat “right,” or get nothing—suggest a controlling mindset that prioritizes his standards over her autonomy.
From his perspective, he might see his demands as “motivation,” but they cross into manipulation, undermining her self-esteem. A 2022 study in Psychology Today found that controlling behaviors, like setting ultimatums, often erode trust and foster resentment in relationships (Psychology Today, 2022). Her feelings of being “ugly” and “unloved” signal emotional harm, a red flag of an unhealthy bond.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist, warns, “When one partner’s contempt seeps into a relationship, it’s a death knell for mutual respect” (Lerner, The Dance of Anger). Her boyfriend’s messages ooze this contempt, treating her like an employee, not an equal. His refusal to offer small gestures, like a Valentine’s sweet, further shows a lack of emotional generosity.
She should consider setting firm boundaries, clearly stating that love shouldn’t come with strings. If he can’t respect her worth, exploring therapy or even leaving may be necessary.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, serving up a spicy mix of outrage and tough love. Here’s what they had to say:
![[Reddit User] − Why are you with someone who doesn't treat you well?](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/183522c-09.png)
From calls to “d**p his ass” to blunt warnings about his contempt, the community’s reactions are fiery—but do they oversimplify a complex bond? Love can be messy, and leaving isn’t always easy.
This woman’s story is a stark reminder that love should lift, not belittle. Her boyfriend’s cruel conditions expose a relationship where respect has withered, leaving her to question her worth. Reddit’s chorus urges her to walk away, but the path forward is hers to choose. Can this bond be salvaged, or is it time to prioritize herself? What would you do if love came with a price tag? Drop your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation alive!
